Cruising through Facebook, trying to glance quickly over/subtly ignoring the pregnancy announcements, playdate photos, and baby shower invites that I’m so excited and so happy to see yet leave little pinpricks of longing all over my heart, I stumbled upon a post that throat-punched me. Emily Ley, author, and organizational guru had a post about Infertility Awareness week: “If you are fighting through this journey now, with a baby-shaped hole in your heart, know this – you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are worthy of exactly what your heart desires.”
Anyone who knows me knows that I seriously love my life. The constant joke is that our first year of marriage has been 365 days of tears. I’ve been teary-eyed at one point or another every day because I’m so overwhelmed with happiness, love, and a general excitement that gets me even through the worst days (and this year there was some pretty dark ones). I’m that person who lays in bed every night listening to the apneatic chorus of husband, canines, and feline, and I think to myself if the worst should happen and I don’t get up in the morning this is a pretty decent way to go out. I’M IN LOVE WITH MY LIFE but seeing those words from someone else’s family journey finally put order to one of the feelings that we’ve been coming up against but haven’t been able to explain: our tiny, mostly furry (yes, that’s my husband too), family is whole, happy, and full of love, we’re lucky enough that there’s SO MUCH love it’s come to create this ‘baby-shaped hole‘.
On the journey of fertility each day presents itself with new emotional and physical obstacles, its own minor victories. I’m thankful for everyone who reads my posts and shares their stories, I’m grateful that there’s Infertility Awareness week because it shows that this is real but those who are fighting are not broken, and finally, I’m so full of hope for when the day comes and our hole is filled (hopefully 2 or 3 times over).